Crazy

A close friend recently told me I was insane. Insane was never a word I used to describe myself, but "crazy" is a term that has been used to describe me on more than one occasion. It wasn't the cool kind of crazy either, like the kind of crazy that any of my favorite artists are. I think there are all different kinds of crazy.
Exhibit A:

No explanation needed.
Exhibit B:

A man of few words. Responsible for my only addiction.
Exhibit C:

"I'll be grazing by your window...please come pat me on the head. Just want to find out what you're nice to me for."
Exhibit D:
Me?????
I think there are all different types, really. And I fill into the Warzone category..."Crazy but not insane". I mean, I think.

Wants: A nice date and a miu miu python bag.
Needs: More sleep-ins, sleepovers, and breakfast food.

What Do Women Want?

I highly recommend reading this ENTIRE article. This all coming from the prototypical "anti-femme" queen, as I've been so lovingly branded by my professors and one of my gorgeous post-fem coworkers.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine
Anyways....long ass bad hard difficult day.
Suggested Listening
Belle and Sebastian-If You're Feeling Sinister
J. Mascis-Live at CBGBs (The First Acoustic Show)
Oh and Alkaline Trio...you know the entire discography.....

One two three

Do you ever feel like your just moving around trying to avoid things all day?
Cause that's what I feel like, nearly everyday. I avoid this or I avoid that. I'm scared to check the mail cause I'm scared to find out I didn't get into nyu or eugene lang or anything. And if I do what if I decide that I want to stay in Philadelphia? But I definitely don't want to. There is nothing for me here, and I keep looking for a reason to stay, but its not here.

If I miss anything or anyone right now its my parents house, and that this month will be two years since I've been in a serious relationship. Or that most of the people I used to rely on have changed in some way, and are no longer who I need them to be.

Everyone is so damn self-centered. I'm sure I'm the same way in some way most days.

It's a funny thing, really

So last week when my mother and I were walking around in New York discussing just about everything and she tells me she "googled" her name. When she did she found out Gary Snyder, one of the more famous modern America poets, listed her as one of his top twenty favorite poets of modern America. I mean, he won a Pulitzer. Modesty is one of the qualities I hope I've inherited from my mother.

Now or Never?

Let's clarify- sex means nothing to me really anymore. I mean, yeah, its cool but I've realized that having that perfect union of person and relationship is not going to happen, at least for a long time. I promised myself I would never even come close to having any kind of sexual relationship with anyone I wasn't in a legitimate relationship with... this past year I broke that rule twice. Both times, however, I was used to make someone jealous or just fed some kind of bullshit that I believed? Weird. I mean, getting used or lied to feels like shit, but I have an emotional rebound rate of 24 hours. I mean, I live vicariously through the sex lives of my friends...this sounds a lot creepier than it actually is.
ANYWAY, I renew that vow of prudishness till I find someone else who feels the same way, or is at least going to keep it in his pant till he sees me.
For now and for ever and for always.
So much work to do, interviews to do for various articles, applications to follow up on, books to read. Also, someone buy me spi'zikes in gray and gray. plz.
xoxoxo

Rewind

So since it's a new year and I have the potential to start again, I am going to do just that. Let's hope for a better new year. I want this blog to be less of an outpost for my outbursts, and more organized. Kind of like my goal for this year-organization. So, out with the old, in with the new.
Here are my new year's resolutions (AKA-Things I should have taken into consideration a long time ago)
1. Be nicer.
2. When I see something I want to buy, I am going to buy it. Fuck it, I do need new Jordans when I'm down and every single thing in the Married the Mob look book. So what if I don't have groceries?
3. Read more for pleasure and not just for school.
4. Spend more nights in my underwear on the couch.
5. Start working out again.
6. Get into my schools of choice.
7. Work less, sleep more, and continue to do well in school.
8. Pay more attention to Harry.
9. Spend more time in Nik's bed than my own.
10.Buy a bearskin rug.
I'm starting off reading "The Sun Also Rises" and eating Oreos while Harry looks at me like I'm cheating on him.
For right now I'm listening to Discount, Tiger's Jaw, Bad Brains, and J. Mascis. However, I just downloaded Placebo. "Without You I'm Nothing" is one of those albums I couldn't listen to for a long time because of what I associated with it. But fuck it. If there was ever a time for me to get a grip it is right about now.
P.S. There is a rumor that the New York Times will stop printing in May of this year. Please say it ain't so.