I wish

Ode to Cleanliness
I want to be one of those neat, clean girls where you know everything in their closet is folded and doesn't smell like pancake batter. I want to be organized and well-kept with nice hair and clean clothes. I want to not spill things on my Marc by Marc or not to step in a puddle in Jordans. I would like to eat a meal without dropping something and go to school without forgetting a pen. I would like to look like the well-put together girls with their hair and make-up done at 9:30 in the morning. I would like to not rush out the door at the last minute looking like I just woke up (cause I did) and wearing a shirt I slept in the night before. I want to not wear the same nasty True Religions that are actually baggy at this point. I would really like to be a real girl.
Eh...

In the Meantime

Dan is playing Zelda (nerd), I'm listening to the Handsome LP, and we just ordered tons of Chinese. Life rules.

Now I Lay Me

I miss it!

Dear Mischa

Give me the strength to go on now that the OC is canceled and you own every single Dior Gaucho bag or Chloe Paddington bag I've ever wanted. Thank you for still taking a sexy mugshot and wearing heels even though you are already a giant. If it weren't for you I would have never started wearing jean jackets again.

Changes

It's weird going from a girl that can do everything herself with few people in her life to letting someone in entirely. For the past two and half years, almost, I have relied entirely on my friends and mostly myself to do everything that a loving, healthy relationship should do. My other girlfriends and friends have been the main support system in my life. So now I have to make this transition from someone that is completely self-reliant to someone who is caring? weird.
The main point I'm trying to say is I know its going to be difficult.
I thought it was going to be difficult.
I don't know what it is, maybe the perfect union of person, place, and time that is making this so easy for me. I'm trying to get rid of all my old vices and put myself into a position where I am vulnerable to all the attachments of caring for someone. You get so used to being by yourself you almost forget what its like to be with someone.
However, the point of this entry is not to talk about this but to talk about just how when you think that everything is awful and you have quit trying to make these new relationships, someone comes around that makes you want to be a little bit better and reminds you that half the point of life is being surrounded by people that make you happy. And I can truthfully say that the past week has been what I want the future to feel like. Super fucking promising.
I really haven't smiled this much in a very long time.

I

miss Nik and Say.